Messy Antics – The Call and Response Pt 1
Into the Light – Dying to Know the Truth
Messianic Complex aka ‘Messy Antics’ – a battle with self… oh, thetan you thilly fool!
*disclaimer: views are author’s – no claims intended – identity or otherwise. Enter at your own risk.
Messy Antics – The Warm Up
Let me give you fair warning beyond the welcome wave from my friends to the left. Get ready to have your mind and heart stretched beyond normal limits. If you are reading this for the first time, you might want to be aware of your belief systems and suspend them for a moment. It’s quite likely you will be challenged. I was and still am.
I had an interesting series of events from 8 to 10 years old that began the setup. I’d wake up above my bed at night, watch my body get out of bed, open my bedroom window, climb out, walk to a 10-acre pasture just beyond our neighbor’s back yard and rise up in to an orange cigar-shaped cloud that had to have been a mile long. I’d reach the perimeter of the cloud and my ‘observer’ joined with the physical body and I’d go into the cloud. I’d wake up the next morning (first time I was so excited and couldn’t wait to go back) with no memory, just a sense of familiarity.
A decade later I was walking through a bookstore in Muncie, Indiana and, in a really odd even, Ruth Montgomery’s book Strangers Among Us, fell to the floor a few feet in front of me with no one else around. It had opened with the cover up, so I read the title first, then picked it up and the first paragraph I read talked about the orange cigar-shaped cloud being the most common UFO contact event in the Midwest during the late 50s and early 60s. I was shocked, and yet it made so much sense at that moment.
I’m nobody special but what I experienced was special; it literally set me apart from everyone I’ve known to date. My life changed and has continually progressed in my quest to know and understand who and what I Am and who WE ARE. There truly is no ego without Wego. Confabulation, imagination or realization… the experience happened. The song you may be hearing now facilitated it. If you don’t have audio at the moment, you may want to find a way to listen.
How I’ve lived and what I’ve done has revealed a lot about my own nature and the nature of human beings, trapped by limiting belief systems and fear-based nonsense that keeps us afraid, angry, ignorant and immobile. A new world order is evolving now, emerging from an organic and systemic need for change, fueled by the deep desire for something beyond the senseless control and manipulation of people, places and things for profit without conscience.
The event happened nearly 40 years ago now, yet it is still fresh and inviting as many new discoveries and revelations are occurring in a plethora of fields that all relate to human evolution, from superstition to science-based understanding. These new discoveries take us into areas of awareness and consciousness that refute our linear-based religious thoughtmosphere, inviting us to explore possibilities within the ‘spooky action at a distance’ of quantum entanglement.
The Setup for a Messianic Complex
Orphaned at birth and aware of my adoption early, I spent a lot of time in internal conversations in the quieter moments. There was a ‘voice’ ever-present in that place. As a result much time was also spent contemplating the events of my childhood and why I seemed to be open to alternative realities, although I didn’t have the words to describe them then. I just had different experiences than most, but I also didn’t know it at the time. I began to suspect it because I’d ask questions occasionally and get blank stares in return, from peers and adults. I understand now that my levels of perception were heightened even as a child. I figured it was all normal and everyone had these feelings and thoughts, but that ain’t necessarily so.
In the fall of 1975 I was living in the Honors dormitory at Ball State University. I had entered the PreMed program, testing out of 5 quarters of general studies through the College Level Examination Program (CLEP) tests. I was a bit surprised with the success of the tests. My parents never told me what the IQ tests as a young elementary student had revealed, so I was unaware of just how high it was, but I did know that academic pursuits were fun and mostly easy when I was interested. I went through school getting straight A’s except when I did silly things like put oil in a lathe in shop class (smoked up the room) or threw a piece of gum at a substitute teacher from the back of the room on a dare and got caught. Citizenship affected grades, so I only graduated 10th in my class of 300.
I’d gone home for quarter break with the intent of asking my high school sweetheart to marry me. I’d separated from her before going to college, not wanting to violate her trust in case I found myself sexually engaged by another. I realized my foolishness, but it was too late. She was already married. I felt empty and alone. I realized years later that everything was perfect, but at the time I became deeply depressed. After returning to school I didn’t have much of a future vision, so I turned within. I got down on my knees and prayed to know what truth is, being willing to die to know it if necessary.
About a week later I returned from class and felt like I needed to meditate. I usually selected an album to listen to as it was easier for me to not think and just listen to music. So I put on Journey’s first album, laid across my dorm room bed and put my fingertips together on my chest. I’d found years ago that feeling my heartbeat in my fingertips also helped me to clear my mind. When the song that is playing now came on, my life changed forever. During this meditation I was taken into and beyond the ‘Light’ that is referenced in spiritual texts and related to in Near Death Experiences.
I know this sounds incredulous, especially since I was only a teenager. However, it seemed someone had been listening to my prayer the week before and spoke to me during the bridge between the lyrics and the vamp. I was literally asked if I was willing to die for what I believed in. What would you do? I had a choice to limit my belief or not. I’d heard this voice since childhood. It had become a trusted companion by this time. Some might think it a hard choice, especially if steeped in religious dogma. What did I believe in? I’ll tell you in a moment.
I had just returned to my dorm room from a day of classes. I was carrying a full load (17 hours) and some days I had 5 classes in a row. I had some studying to do later, so I put on the album (we still had vinyl in those days) and, well, to be perfectly honest, I did have one bong hit as I settled into a short meditation before hitting the books. Hey, it was the 70s and, yes, I inhaled. If you want to believe it prompted the experience, that’s your prerogative. I assure you it did not.
I was also not under the influence of LSD, cocaine, heroine or any other psychotropic substance. That would really promote some kind of psychotic messianic complex for sure. I want to make that perfectly clear. I may have been too honest here. If you want to take issue, that’s fine. It does not change the experience one iota, but it does give you something to argue with for now. You probably argue with others, too, and ultimately you will get to the same place if you really are looking for answers. For those of you who can grok, then we’re on the same page still.
The question about drug use always seems to be an issue with some, especially for that time period. I totally understand because that kind of experience was quite rare and virtually no one had a direct experience to which they could relate. I get that. I also could not deny what happened, even if I tried. It is much easier to dismiss ‘spiritual’ experiences to drug-induced euphoria. Trust me, I’ve had other experiences during my life and sometimes I wish I could have excused them as such. The reality is… other worlds do exist and they are just as real as this one.
New… In a recent book, How God Changes Your Brain, a study commissioned by the Alzheimer’s Research and Prevention Foundation and done by Dr. Andew Newberg, it was noted that only 42 of 1,000 surveyed had any ‘direct’ experience. Today, many Boomers are seeking to have such experiences of unity with the divine after spending a lifetime of chasing the almighty buck and realizing it just isn’t that fulfilling. Money can’t buy love, but it sure seems to rent it for a while. It is short-lived at best. Instead of a singular messianic complex, I often wonder if there are fragments of it everywhere and in everyone who feels compelled to do something toward harmony among people and planet now.
Messianic Complex – The Trance End Dance
So what was the experience like? Words are a strained attempt at description no matter how eloquent the word-smithing. It was more exhilarating than my part of the circus themed basketball half-time show in front of 5,000 people the year before for sure.
Initially I was in a deep meditation while listening to Journey’s first album, a song called ‘In the Morning Day.’ It’s the opening tune on this page. If you are viewing this page and don’t hear it, you are missing a really great tune… change your browser for a moment or add the windows media player plug-in.
Time stood still for a moment as I heard, “Bruce, are you willing to die for what you believe in?” Bruce was my given name from my adoptive parents. I immediately thought ‘Christ Consciousness,’ and then took it further to ‘Cosmic Consciousness’ and immediately said, “Yes!” And then the riff… Between the verse and the vamp was a guitar riff that sounded like a supersonic jet whisking by in an instant.
I felt a slight tug upward and I let go, turning to see my body laying across the dorm room bed (honor’s dorm at BSU). I turned back to see where I was going and without so much as a blink of an eye, figuratively speaking, I was surrounded by white light. I felt like I was home, truly home…. at ONE with God. I could see, even though it was white light, and think, letting me know I wasn’t ‘dead,’ but there was no tactile sensations and, as an impetuous teenager, I soon grew bored of the solitary light and spoke to the voice, “Wow, is there more?” Then came another tug. I went with it again.
I went from being surrounded by Light to a place where I saw points of light all around me, gathered like a sphere with an indigo background as a display screen. I could see in any direction without movement, although these points of light completely surrounded me, large enough to appear as tiny spheres. I instinctively knew these were points of consciousness. Whether in body or not was the question… I wasn’t and I knew it. I had the intelligence to consider these things in the moment and still retain the ‘wonder’ as it were. I was completely void of any fear at all.
As if to acknowledge my recognition, the voice proceeded, “These are those that you are to work with in order to facilitate a new world order. It will happen in your lifetime. Know this to be true. Your path will be full of trials and tribulations. Have faith and trust that everything you need with be there at its appointed time. Trust and allow.” It felt like an eternity passed during this time as I listened to the words and felt them anchor deep within my being, soul or whatever you consider the essence of an individual’s life force.
That is all that was spoken. I felt a rush of energy and was back in my body, taking a deep breath immediately. I kept my eyes closed for a few moments, taking notice of all the sensations in my body as I returned…. especially my heartbeat and breath. According to the ‘voice’ that resumed after my recognition of the those points, I am to work with them in order to facilitate a new world order…a fusion and synergy of material and spiritual worlds. Harmony among people and planet a result. I knew this in the depth of my being, beyond any question. I was ecstatic to say the least. But as a teenager, what can you really do? Who can you talk to? What can you say after an experience like that? Did I even dare?
The first human place in consciousness, my own, was to want to announce to the world that I AM HERE, believing that I AM THE ONE. Check off the first item in the Messianic Complex. What a foolish notion of a selfless mind with no discernment. I read years later that a long-standing spiritual teaching is ‘to know, to dare, to do and to be silent.’ My personality could not handle the truth at the time. My soul had been ignited with a vision and I had not the spiritual maturation to remain quiet. I trapped myself in yet another box, one that didn’t bode well psychologically.
I told my adoptive parents, my friends, my teachers and even went to the preachers just off campus to find out how they would respond to such an experience. I figured if it was so real, then there would have to be some correlation somewhere. Instead of answers or intelligent discussion I got dismissed out of hand, ostracized and sent to a psychiatrist by my parents. The latter turned out to be a God send, a solid port on the ocean of emotion.
My exuberance in sharing my story was the beginning of what the field of psychology and more specifically psychiatry calls the ‘messianic complex.’ I felt like I had all the answers and needed to share them with the world, even though ‘the answers’ really didn’t make sense to anyone, me included once I returned to the external world. There was no ‘how to’ included in the experience.
It was a most unhealthy and unappreciated place to be for the aspirant of divine guidance who wishes to remain free of attachments, but can only express from a child-like place at that time. Okay, so there are no veils and I don’t need to be ‘The One.’ How do I proceed and what do I need to do to prepare? What questions one so deep? Are there answers?
Fortunately, the shrink had some sense beyond the common and was able to help me coagulate the possibilities. After a few visits he confided in me that I wasn’t crazy and that I had all the signs of a ‘spiritual awakening,’ although he offered that most people don’t experience it until their mid-40s if they ever do. He was intrigued by the fact I was only 18. We discussed some of the considerations I’d had during the process, coupled with my desire to find purpose in life and fueled by the desire to find a deeper connection to ‘family’ due to the deeper emptiness I still felt from being adopted.
As if to offer some solace, he asked me to follow him upstairs. I did. As he opened a door at the top of the stairs that revealed a room full of ‘metaphysical’ books, posters and ‘tools’ (a tarot deck on a card table just inside the door) my heart center just exploded. It literally felt like a huge pulse expanded throughout my entire body. I gave him a deeply puzzled look, I’m sure.
We had a short discussion about the tarot cards and he asked if I’d ever had a ‘reading.’ I had not, but was curious, so we sat down at the table and he demonstrated the technique. It brought out much more than I had told him and seemed to validate the entire experience. It left me with more questions about how things could be so connected beyond a shared conversation that hadn’t yielded any of the points previously.
I could tell he was really working to find the right words to share. He spoke of ancient archetypes manifesting in my life and leading me toward something magnificent, apparently. After a few moments he admitted that I must have something going on even beyond what he could determine. He related that from our discussions he knew I was quite brilliant and completely sane, but he advised me to keep my mouth shut for a time until I got older; it was likely no one would listen, let alone understand. Over the years I’ve found the challenge is to make sense common.
So what’s next? Often the messenger gets hung up on the message and becomes its icon rather than a simple conduit of information. I was no different. I had a big mouth and wasn’t able to keep the experience to myself. I was more curious about what others thought than what it all meant at the time. I didn’t have the emotional or experiential maturation to understand its future implications. The questions of ‘How?’ and ‘What do I need to do to prepare?’ eventually landed squarely in the center of my consciousness.
Since that time, I’ve observed that identity is really of no consequence in the delivery of new information or clarification of the mysterious in order for the ‘magic’ of life to become present. Too often identity, assumed or projected, simply gets in the way. There are no boxes large enough to contain the non-linear or multidimensional life we are destined to live.
Our minds want to categorize and label instead of just listening and observing. Telling is not training, I’ve heard so often as I’ve worked in corporate training and development. It’s all chatter that does absolutely no good when ‘stillness’ is the message. We engage the ‘do and have’ in life without the core of ‘being’ that ignites the union of spirit and matter; religion – reunion with God. It is about the One manifesting in the Many. The takes the Messianic Complex to a whole new level.
One of the considerations about the ‘event’ and the points of light is the awareness that everything is connected. How might that play out? Perhaps those points of light were also engaged in the event somehow, unbeknownst to me. Fractals of an event wouldn’t have to be experienced in the same fashion, yet still have a profound effect. The ‘message’ of facilitating a New World Order with them would surely include their awareness, too.
Spontaneous and sporadic events, subtle indications of a connection to someone on the physical plane, are hard to determine let alone engage in a productive way. It seems the journey is still most challenging to find a perfect form, fit and function in the world. By all indications, we have a specific design within the scheme of cosmic consciousness condensing into form. Just what that is unfolds as we peer deeper into the emerging science of particle physics, perhaps.
We get caught up in the chatter and think ourselves separate. We allow those who instruct us to continue the lie that we are separate from creation or each other and need to give our power to someone else as our intercessor. In my continued studies, I’ve found that to be the opposite of what was intended. It is most profoundly revealed in the translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls where the statement, “Don’t you know that you are god as I am god,” is made.
At our core we have a direct connect but, we have to be very still, even silent, to hear the voice of BEing within. It is provoked by profound questions. This is an extreme challenge beyond any extreme sport today, as distractions and interruptions are present everywhere and vie for our attention at every moment. The Information Age and the rapidity of getting our needs met, satiating our senses, has spoiled us to a great degree. Stillness is for Zen masters.
We’ve grown to understand the affects of our actions on the environment and are striving to change our consumer and manufacturing habits. The idea of ‘reduce, reuse and recycle’ is gaining more attention and relevance as we understand the nature of unbridled self-indulgence and a capitalistic consumer-driven economy of our own making. But what of the material? Non-linear thinking, quantum entanglement or ‘spooky stuff at a distance’ (Einstein) brings us to new levels of understanding how our thoughts/feelings affect reality.